Internet Dating

If you watch television very much, you’ve likely seen the advertisements for online dating services.  E-Harmony, Match.Com, Zoosk, OurTime, Chemistry.Com, PlentyOfFish.com, to name a few.  It is an industry unto itself, with millions of members, generating millions of dollars. They’ve got the marketing techniques down pat, too.  Just watching the commercials could make a lonely person head straight for their computer and sign up to join.  The couples look so happy, and so perfectly suited for each other.  

Yeah, right.

Perhaps I shouldn’t be so cynical.  I’m sure there are success stories. In fact, I know there are, as one of my favorite people did indeed meet her Prince Charming through E-Harmony, and best I can tell, he really is a prince. In reality, though, the true Prince Charming-falls-in-love-with-the-Princess, Happily-Ever-After stories are probably more rare than common.  And I’ll bet there was a lot of toad-kissing going on before they found each other. And we all know how I feel about kissing toads. 

I will admit that in 19 years of being single, I did, on occasion, peruse the sites.  I even did the E-Harmony thing one time.  There was a local fella with whom I corresponded for a bit. Then we met, and he was so obviously put off with my appearance that he could hardly wait for the date to end.  Which puzzled me – the photograph I posted was recent, and was not photo-shopped to make me beautiful. We had disclosed our body types, so he was well aware that I was Not A Skinny Girl.  He knew my age.  He knew more about me than Whitney’s dad knew about me on our first (blind) date.  So it really ticked me off that he was expecting something different.  But, then, he was kinda weird his ownself.  He was a civilian, but had a job with the military, yet he was quite evasive regarding the particulars of his job description.  There was all this top-secret stuff that he supposedly was doing – in the vein of “if I tell you, I’ll hafta kill you” kind of way… so I wasn’t disappointed when the date ended, either. And – might I add that HE looked a lot older than HIS profile picture, and not nearly as buff.  So I was pretty dang offended that *he* didn’t like *me*. So, I’m personally not much on the internet dating thing.  If it works for you, then more power to you – and I celebrate your relationship.  I think I’ll just stick with my family, my  friends, and my cat.  That’s about all the drama I can take these days. 

Recently, though, I did have the occasion to check out a particular dating site.  I was a single girl for many years, and I still have lots of single girlfriends. Lots of single girlfriends who are currently into the internet dating scene, and who visit these sites often. Back in December, someone brought to my attention something they thought I might find amusing on one such site, so I took a look.  The only thing I found amusing was that nothing much in the world of internet dating had changed. Most of the bios are still as bogey hilarious and fake as they ever were. If you’ve never visited one of these sites, allow me to enlighten you as to how it all works.  The main idea is to put your best self forward, and present yourself in such a manner that all members of the opposite gender will find you irresistible  and therefore, want to date you, (or marry you, if finding a spouse is your goal.)  Here’s a sample of some of the most common things you’ll find.  Mr. or Ms. Prospective Mate will post this about himself or herself:

Username:  PrinceCharming1954

My likes:

~Spending quality time with that special someone

~Romantic walks on the beach

~Watching the sun set over the mountains

~Traveling with my mate

~Romantic dinners for two

~Sunday afternoon drives

~Romantic surprises

~Snuggling in front of the fireplace on a cold winter evening

What I’m Looking For In A Mate: 

~Adventuresome

~Physically fit

~Attractive

~No baggage

~Loves animals and children

~Free spirit

~Honest

~Financially independent

  

About Me: 

~Athletic

~Romantic

~Attractive

~Financially secure

~Love to work out

~Love to spoil my mate

~Devoted to family

~Hard worker

~Excellent cook

~Love animals and children

~Passionate

************

Okay. Sign me up.  Sounds perfect, huh?   Hahaha.... I totally get that you have to market yourself.  But, seriously.  Most everyone I know would put some of those items on their list. (Whether or not it's true seems to have no bearing, at this point in the game.)  

If I were in the market for a beau, (which I am not), and wanted to market myself on the internet, (which I do not), I think my bio would go a little something like this:

My User Name:  JustSayNoToToads  (Because it is a terrible idea to use your real name on a dating site)

My Likes: 

~Jesus

~My family

~Spending time with my friends – Girls only, or couples. You must love my friends and fit into our circle, or you’re out. Just as with my family, we’re a package deal.

~Watching my favorite TV shows without someone talking or bothering me

~My alone time, balanced with “spending quality time with that special someone”

~Shopping - Preferably alone

~Romantic walks on the beach

~Good food cooked on the grill

~Cats

~Watching the sun set over the mountains

~Laughter

~Going to church, but occasionally playing hooky

~Dancing (Chubby white girl can’t dance, but I like to do it anyway)

~Facebook

~Romantic dinners for two, and romantic surprises

~Doing crafty things

~Flower gardening (usually without much success)

~Blizzards  (Dairy Queen - Not snow)

~Foot rubs and back rubs  (Given to me – not by me – though I will occasionally return the favor)

~Swimming and floating about in the pool

~Reading

~Chick flicks

~Sometimes being worthless, lazy, and self-indulgent

My point:  Most people DO like those romantic things, (see, I have them on my list too!) so listing those things really tells you nothing about the person. Let’s hear about the real stuff.  What you’re REALLY like. Translated:  Let's cut the crap, and talk about what makes us tick.  This is Dating For Seniors. We're getting older by the minute, and don't have time to glean the chaff from the wheat here. Let's not bother investing time getting to know each other, if we can already determine ahead of time that there's things about each other that we're not gonna like - deal breakers, if you will - no matter how strong the physical attraction may be.  With that in mind, here’s some more info about me that you would want to know, before adding me to your Favorites list:

Random Things About Me: 

~I will love your family and your grandkids, but I will always love mine more. 

~I’m soon to be 55 years old.  I have earned every wrinkle and laugh line on my face, and will  not be visiting the Botox Doc.

~I have gray “highlights” in my hair.   Bling, if you will.

~My body type is always a work in progress.  For the most part, I have to claim “chubby” or “pleasantly plump”, or as the dating sites like to say “a few extra pounds”.  I’ve long ago faced the reality that I’ll never have buns of steel or six-pack abs, but I can touch my toes as good as (or better than) most girls my age and size, and I can tie my own shoes.  Well – unless my back is bothering me, which happens from time to time.

~I love sleeping in on Saturdays.  But when I get up in time, you’ll find me on the deck at DJ’s having coffee.    This is sacred girlfriend time.  Do Not Disturb.   

~I have stretch marks on my tummy.  Her name is Whitney.  (Okay, maybe one or two are named Oreo Blizzard)

~I am a grammar/punctuation/spelling Nazi.  I’m not always perfect, and I make typos and mistakes, but I DIE when someone else finds my errors before I do.  But your mistakes will bother me even more.  Besides, your errors are easier to spot than mine.  At the very least, please Learn the difference between plural and possessive, and use those apostrophes appropriately!!!  Unless, of course, you want to see my head explode. (And if you find errors in this post, please notify me immediately!!)

~My entertainment preferences are quite diverse. Downton Abby to Duck Dynasty.  Bach to Zeppelin and Floyd.  Mercy Me to Garth. Wizard of Oz to Braveheart.  You must be willing to embrace the entire spectrum, and enthusiastically agree to listen to, or watch, whatever I’m in the mood for at the moment. And you must tolerate my singing in the car.  Without laughing.

~I am very forgiving, and nonjudgmental.  But hurt me or someone I love, though I forgive, I don’t forget.  Do it again, and I will cut you.  

~I am sometimes impatient. Maybe *often* would be a better choice of words.

~Sometimes I procrastinate, but I don’t want to talk about that right now.

~I enjoy cooking, but have had so many kitchen disasters, that I allow people to think that I can’t cook. That  way, I only have to bring the paper products or chips to the parties and reunions.

~I hate math.  Seriously hate it.  Think: Head exploding.

~I love my power tools, and want to add to my small collection, so it would be a real plus if you have lots of tools, and are willing to teach me how to use them. I want to be a carpenter when I grow up. Only without the math.

~I am bossy. (But like Edith Ann used to say – “I am not bossy.  My ideas are just better.)

~The “control-freak” gene is alive and well within my DNA. 

~I like my towels and washcloths folded and stored a certain way in the linen closet. (OCD?)

~I like my steak cooked medium to medium-rare.  David can show you how to cook it. Please

  observe carefully and learn. Perfection is key when cooking a steak for me.

~I love discussing “politics and religion”.  Especially if your ideas differ from mine.

~I am financially independent.  Not wealthy.  I get by.  I just don’t need your money to pay my bills, but by the same token, I don’t have enough money to pay yours, so if you’re lookin’ for a sugar mama, you’re lookin’ in the wrong place. However, if you have plenty of money and would like to contribute to the paying of my bills, and would like to support me in my retirement, well, then, I’d be okay with that.  That, of course, would also cost you a wedding ring and a trip to the courthouse.  I ain’t lookin’ for no sugar daddy, neither.  (note - bad grammar intentional)

~I am funny.  If you don’t believe me, just fall down, or drop your milkshake or ham sandwich, and watch me laugh.  People who laugh are funny. Right? I have a warped sense of humor and often laugh at inappropriate times.  My daughter is the same way.  We absolutely cannot sit together in church. We’ve almost been kicked out of a funeral home (on two different occasions), and we barely escaped banishment from her prepared childbirth class.  Don’t even ask about the parent meeting before church youth camp one year.

~"Business Professional Attire" translates to me "My Nicest Pair Of Pajamas"
~The fact that the text doesn't align itself the way I want it to when viewing this blog post makes me seriously want to throttle the person who wrote the code... as I have spent a massive amount of time in aligning the text perfectly on the "compose post" page.

What I’m Looking For In A Mate:

~No lying. Period. Ever.

~Someone who will cook for me.

~Someone who can fix things and build things

~Someone who will listen to me gripe and complain when things don’t go my way, and agrees that I am   

  right, and everyone else is wrong. Including his ownself, whenever necessary.

~Someone to spoil me with romantic dinners and surprises.  Including planning and paying for said dinners and surprises.

~Someone to take me to the beach for romantic walks. 

~Someone who will help me take care of my yard and my house, except when I want to do it myself….  which is pretty much never.

~Someone who loves me enough to let me be me.  The good, the bad, and the ugly. Someone who doesn’t run away, or think less of me, and will forgive me when I have a meltdown or pitch a  hissy fit.  (Which goes without saying, was all his fault in the first place…)

~Someone who understands that, except for a short time, I’ve been alone for most of my adult life, and I smother easily. I need my space.  If you’re looking for me, and find the door is closed, unless you’re vomiting blood or the house is on fire, please go away.

~Someone who makes me laugh.

~Someone who wakes up every day thinking of ways to make me feel happy, secure, and loved.

~Someone who can program my cable box remote control.

~Someone who is thoughtful and brings me flowers, and makes me feel like I am the center of  his universe.

~Someone who understands that It’s All About Me.

So.  Any takers?  I really am a catch.  You’d be lucky to have me. Don’t doubt it for a minute.  ;-)

HAHAHA… probably wouldn’t get many takers with a bio like that.  Which is why so many of these relationships don’t work out.  Because the bios of most folks aren’t real.  There’s a cookie-cutter version of what we WISH we were like, and then there’s the reality of what we really are like.  I realize that even my “real” list is tainted by my own perception of myself.  I’m probably worse than the bad things I list, and probably not nearly as good as the good things I list.  But – my list is for sure more real than what you’ll find on an internet dating site. 

Internet Dating.  There are some happy endings.  But it’s not for everyone.  And it’s certainly not for me.  I think I’ll just sit on the couch, watch some uninterrupted TV, eat my Oreo Blizzard, and pet my sweet kitty.  And live happily ever after.  

Perfection!

Is there a "repeat" button for Mother Nature?  Like on a CD player?  You know - so you can listen to the same song over and over again?  If you know where I can find one for Mother Nature, please tell me before the night is over.  I'd like to press the "repeat" button for the next seven months.  Today was the most perfect weather day!  I've not heard the weather report, so I don't know what the high temperature was for today, but it doesn't matter what Glen Burns says.  I was outside IN the weather, and for me it was perfect.

It was the perfect day to sit outdoors, read a book, or take a nap - although I did not do that.  It was the perfect day for bike or motorcycle riding - although I didn't do that either.  It was pretty much the perfect day for any outdoor activity.  Maybe a bit cool for swimming, but that would only be because the water would be too cool.  It was the perfect day for some outdoor work - which is what I did today.  I broke a sweat a few times, but mostly it was perfectly pleasant.

My home is on a friendly street, located in a nice neighborhood, affectionately known as The 'Hood.   It is not heavily forested, so I have a hard time understanding where all the leaves come from.  The greater part of my afternoon was spent with the blower, rearranging the snowdrift-like piles of leaves from up against the fence, strategically spreading them evenly over my yard - with the plan being to mulch them over with my mower tomorrow afternoon.  It's clean-up week here in town, so I also cleaned out the shed that is attached to my storage building. It looks so very nice and tidy under there now!!!  I even got very brave and went behind the shed and cleaned out the four or five years' worth of inflatable swimming pools, tarps, and  associated paraphernalia.  Right now there's a huge pile of junk in my back yard, waiting for my dad to bring the trailer over tomorrow afternoon so we can haul it down to the dumpsters in town.

I'm really hoping we can get that toilet off my patio, too.  When I moved back to The 409, I replaced the toilet in my master bathroom, and the old one has been sitting on my patio ever since.  The kids think it is such a novelty, and they have to go "see the toilet on the patio" when they visit Greemaw.  How funny is THAT!?  Whitney and I tried to move it over to the pile today - but that dang thing weighs a ton.  I wonder if someone has hidden a dead body in the tank or something?  I'm going to be so sad if we can't haul it away.  I'm really hoping to enjoy some outdoor time on the patio this spring/summer, and there's just something about having a toilet out there that's just not conducive to the ambiance I'm trying to achieve.  I guess I could turn it into a water feature, or a planter, or something - but I'd really rather just send it to toilet heaven and be done with it.

It was a wonderfully quiet weekend.  (Except for that Girls Gone Wild thing on Friday night...)  Productive weekends make me happy.  Because even as busy as I was, and as much as I got done, there are still mountains of maintenance/improvement projects yet unfinished. The beautiful weather motivates me to get busy and check those items off my to-do list, so that I'll have time at the end of the day to enjoy the weather, the outdoors, and my good friends and neighbors here in The 'Hood.

With This Ring: A Message For My Married Friends

Over the past week or so, we've been hearing a lot about the Supreme Court case regarding gay marriage.  Yesterday and today, the news and social media have been running  with the story, and FB has been ablaze with icons both in support and protest of the issue.  Folks are sometimes not on their best behavior when they feel so strongly about something, and try so passionately to convince others that they are wrong.  I find it very disturbing, and I'm spending my lunch break sharing a few thoughts I've had. 

If married couples spent nearly as much time and energy working on their own marriage as they spend either supporting or fighting against gay marriage, then maybe the divorce rate between heterosexual couples wouldn't be so high.  Gay marriage, whether you support it or do not support it, will not be the destruction of the institution of marriage.  We heterosexuals have pretty much destroyed it ourselves. If a man marrying a man, or a woman marrying a woman can destroy your own personal marriage, then I question what your marriage is based on to start with. Whatever your point of view on the issue, be sure you give at least equally, hopefully more, attention to your own relationship with your spouse.  Absolutely - Stand up and fight for what you believe. If you're against it, say so.  If you're for it, say so.  But temper your fight with remembering that no matter what a person's religious or sexual orientation, we are all human beings, and should be treated with respect.  The haters and the name-callers make me sick - and it happens in both camps. Such behavior will never be conducive to bringing the two sides together - rather it will only further widen the chasm.  So wave your flags, carry your banners, stand on your soapbox, wear your t-shirts, and spread your message.  But don't neglect dedication to your own marriage in the process.  If the institution of marriage is truly important to you, then prove it by making your own the best it can be.   

(Note- this is my personal viewpoint, and not an invitation to discuss the rightness or wrongness of the issue.  Any comments of that nature will be removed, no matter which "side" you're on.  You're welcome to your own points of view and convictions, but if it's a debate you want, then you can start your own post.  I'm not engaging in that here. [insert the image of my sweet smiling face here]   As a divorced person, I feel very strongly about protecting your own marriage first.  Now- If you want to leave comments about how to have a strong marriage, and reveal your secrets to a happy relationship, then please feel free to share!) 

On A Roll!

There are few things about which I am truly persnickety.  I’m okay with store brand items for a goodly number of things, I’m grateful for generic drugs and I love thrift-store browsing.  Some products, though, just call for the real thing, even if its store-brand counterpart is less expensive.  Loaf bread isn’t something I buy often, but when I do, it’s the dreamy, soft, stick-to-the-roof-of-my-mouth Sunbeam bread that I must have.  I will bargain shop with my peanut butter, but still it’s either Jiff or Peter Pan.  Creamy, never crunchy.  And it’s Duke’s mayonnaise, hands down.  The item about which I’m most picky, as my traveling buddies will confirm, is my bathroom tissue.  Charmin Ultra Strong.  (When traveling, I pack my own tissue - how horrible to be stranded on the side of a mountain, miles from civilization, or in a hotel room somewhere with less than acceptable quality of tissue!!!) I will travel far and wide to make sure that I always have plenty of Charmin US close at hand. (Hand?  Really?  Sometimes I crack myself up!)  

This isn’t really “company conversation”, and perhaps a bit personal to share – but you know you take a risk at content when you come to my blog to read.  But the fact of it is, folks in my family have been sick in some fashion for the past four or five weeks.  We’ve all had upper respiratory problems, gastrointestinal problems, and seemed to pretty much pass the germs back and forth for weeks.  So between a runny nose and… well… running to the bathroom, I depleted my rolls of Charmin to a precariously low number.  It got to the point one day that during a particularly active phase of my illness, I realized that the bathroom closest to me was all out of Charmin – and the other bathroom was on the other side of the house.  This presented a challenge – (I’ll let you figure it out).  Thankfully, I survived the incident without undue collateral damage – and fortunately found another roll of tissue in the third bathroom, so that both of the ones I use each had a little bit of tissue. 

We have a new store in Statham.  It’s a Dollar General Market.  For years I’ve done most of my grocery shopping at Wal Mart.  I hate grocery/household shopping.  Not so much the actual walking down the aisles and putting stuff in the buggy, I just hate driving there, getting out of my car, and going into the store.  Then it’s back to the car, loading the stuff in the car, then taking it home, unloading, and putting it away.  Ugh.   Having the DGM a few blocks away has cut my Wal Mart trips considerably, and I can usually go two to three weeks between trips.  There are two issues that I have with the DGM:  The lack of quality meat, (though I truly didn't expect much in that regard, but if they're gonna carry it, they might as well carry some good stuff) and their toilet tissue selection.  Oh, they do indeed have my Charmin Ultra Strong, it’s just those flimsy little four-packs of the loosely-rolled variety – you know what I mean.  I only pick up those little “sample packs” in cases of extreme emergency.  My favorite place to buy the tissue is Target, where I can get a 12-pack that has rolls so thick and tightly bound that there’s an actual guarantee on the package that they will fit in your tissue-holder thingy.  Now THAT’s a fat roll of tissue!!  When I’m not sick, one of those 12-packs will last a very long time, which means fewer trips in my car to park, walk in the store, load/unload, etc.  That makes me happy.  And there’s such a secure feeling, knowing that all my bathrooms are fully stocked with my favorite tissue.  Even the “company” bathroom is stocked with the good stuff. 

But I digress.  Seriously – this post didn’t start out to be a commercial for Charmin.  That story was simply to preface a post about my weekend.  I had had tissue on my shopping list for days, but somehow it seemed that every day I thought I could wait “one more day” before going to the store.  (Did I mention how much I hate that chore?)  Friday evening I realized I was down to a few squares of Charmin, and I knew the time had come to bite the bullet and go shopping.  But it seemed like a more fun option to spend some time with Leyland and LillyAnn while Corey had his first T-ball practice, so we had some quality girl-time at the local McDonald’s.  By the time I took them home, I was pretty tired, and decided to wait until Saturday.  Morning came quickly, and I hit the floor running.  There was a couple hours of work to do, then set up for the egg hunt at church.  (My very first-ever indoor Easter egg hunt – thanks to the torrential rain.)  Around 1:00 we were all finished with the fun and cleanup, so the time had come to run the dreaded errands and buy the stupid tissue paper.  There were a few more things I needed to get for Lucy’s birthday party on Sunday, as well as some bulk-shopping at Sam’s Club, and a little Easter shopping for the grandkids.  Hours and hours later, I drag myself home, unload the groceries, put away the cold things, and head back out the door to DJs for some dinner.  BJ was there, and it was a quiet, restful evening.  Whitney had called earlier, and said Leyland was sleeping over at LillyAnn’s, Mary was at her mom’s, and Corey wanted to have a sleepover with Greemaw.  I picked him up around 8, got him bathed and smelling sweet, and settled in on the sofa bed watching Fireman Sam.  By the time I got bathed and smelling sweet my ownself, he was pretty much done for, and down for the night.  How I love that little man!!!   Early mornings are always so sweet when he crawls in bed with me for snuggle and tickle time. He looked so handsome for church!  He’s all into “looking good”, and wants to “dress” when he goes out.  I got him some new shoes on Saturday, and he was so proud of them.  He’ll want to wear them 24/7 (really!) so I hope they will survive at least a week, so they’ll look nice for Easter.  He was a very good boy at church, in somewhat of a shy mode, so I was surprised that he willingly went to Children’s Church without even looking back over his shoulder at me. 

Sunday afternoon was time to celebrate Lucy’s birthday!  She’s the most precious little girl, with such a beautiful smile and sweet personality.  She was pretty much wide open, and seemed to have had a grand time.  It was great seeing Michael, Linda, Ryan and Lucy, in addition to her guests.  What a fun afternoon!! 

Back home to work a while, a quick trip up the street for a bite of dinner with DJ and David, back home to finish work in time to catch the latest new episode of Revenge.  I had to stop and catch my breath for just a bit before getting ready for bed.  

              

Seems like I had just closed my eyes, and it was time to get up and start all over with a new week.  I never believed the old folks when they said  that time passes more quickly the older you get.  I absolutely believe it now.  Seems like every day is warp speed.  That’s great during the week – Friday really does come around fairly quickly – but it’s not so great on the weekends.  Monday gets here waaaaaay too fast!!!

It’s a good thing it was a busy weekend.  Yesterday was the anniversary of a very unpleasant event that set the stage for the ultimate demise of my marriage, and I really didn’t want to spend any time at all on that memory.  There are only a couple more “anniversaries” to endure, then all those “firsts” will be behind me. One of my favorite parts of the day was reminding myself, and sharing with some friends, that I have indeed survived. God has brought me through, and has held me steady and strong through the prayers and support of some very special people. 

My very FAVORITE part of the day was the sweet high-five from my brother, when I shared the significance of the day, and that I have not only survived it, but put it behind me. No words needed.  It’s funny how something so seemingly insignificant could mean so much.  Best Brother Ever.

So there you have it.  I was really ON A ROLL this weekend!  And happy to say that I'm starting the new week off with twelve brand-new rolls of Charmin Ultra Strong.  Hopefully all the germs are gone, and these will last for a while.  

Kiss Me, I'm Irish!

Kiss Me, I’m Irish!

I’ve known of my Irish roots since childhood, but never quite understood the meaning of that phrase.  It never stopped me from wearing a pin on St. Patrick’s Day that said “Kiss Me, I’m Irish”.  (And I must add, I did get a few takers over the years.. haha..) I still have several of those pins, but have chosen not to wear them as I’ve gotten older.  At my age, I’m not sure I’d be a willing participant to anyone who’d be might be willing to pucker up.

I Googled the meaning, and here’s what I learned.  It has to do with kissing the Blarney stone, which is thought to bring good luck.  You’ve heard of the “luck of the Irish”, the “lucky leprechauns”, the “pot of gold at the end of the rainbow” …  so for whatever reason, good luck is associated with Irish things.  Most people never see the blarney stone, much less get to kiss it, nor do we find little green men hiding in the woods around these parts.  So, legend has it, kissing anything remotely Irish is about the best we can do.  Therefore, kissing someone of Irish descent is as good as it gets on this side of the pond.  Therefore, I suppose on St. Patrick’s Day, anyone who wants a kiss (or a reason to party!) can claim to be Irish for a day in hopes that someone will kiss them for good luck. 

My Irish roots actually did spring forth from the motherland of lush green grass and rainy afternoons.   I believe the name of my ancestor who came to America from Ireland was William Strawier Dunahoo.  (My cousin Becky has the genealogy, and can confirm the correct name).  With the potato famine in Ireland in full swing, there was no work to be had, and he was near destitute.  He had no money in his pocket, but he had a dream in his heart.  A dream to come to America to make a new life for himself.  No money meant no ticket for passage, however, he somehow managed to sneak on board an American-bound vessel, and hid within the bowels of the ship for the entire trip.  After he arrived, he worked in a variety of occupations, and over the years, a branch of the Dunahoo family tree was rooted in Statham, where it grew and prospered, and produced several generations of Dunahoos, of which I am a “lucky” member.  It's a very interesting story, and I love to hear Becky tell it when we have family gatherings. 

I'm not a believer in "luck" so much, but it is kinda neat to be able to know the heritage of my mom's family.  Of course, there are three other branches (grandparents) in my family tree; one other of those is thought to be Irish, one German, and I'm not sure about the other.  There's a lot of DNA and math involved, but I'm going to claim to be of half-Irish descent.  If non-Irish folks can claim to be Irish one day of the year, then I should be able to stake a claim to being half-Irish every day.  Right?

Maybe I'll wear my pin today after all!

  

Background Checks Matter - Sometimes!

A while back, a person I know made an application for what sounded like his dream job.  A former client had recommended him to the owner of a very successful company, and an appointment was made. The first and second interviews went well.  After the second interview, he was told that he would be contacted within the next week to schedule a third meeting, a dinner date that would include the wives. The company placed a great deal of emphasis on family, and understood that a man with strong family values and a supportive wife would make a better employee and team member.  The call never came.  With the stellar interviews, personal and professional references from a very successful colleague, and the high qualifications of the applicant, it seemed odd that suddenly nothing was happening.  The applicant decided a follow-up phone call was in order, and at that time learned that he was no longer being considered for the position.

What happened?  Probably the background check.   Unfortunately, there was a black mark on the report.  An incident from many years ago, that should have been expunged, was the likely reason that he didn’t get the job.  An incident that had a perfect explanation – but the details aren’t listed on a background check.  Just the facts, ma’am.  And sadly, unless and until my friend hires an attorney and jumps through the legal hoops required, this black mark will follow him for the rest of his life.

Background checks contain Objective Information.  The Facts.  However, like the medical record of a patient, the Subjective Information, while it doesn’t change the Objective Information, can shed a different light, or offer an explanation regarding the Objective Information. In other words, Lucy can sometimes ‘splain what happened. The facts remain the facts, though.

In the past I have joked that before I would agree to go out with a man, he would have to provide references and a background check.  (With very few exceptions, if you could see a list of my choices in men, you would understand this!)  But would a background check provide the entire picture?  A squeaky clean background doesn’t mean that a person is above reproach, or that he hasn’t done bad things, or inflicted bad behavior/actions upon other folks.  It just means that he’s never been arrested for it.  A person’s mental state is not reflected on a background check.  Their integrity, or lack thereof, isn’t either.  The jerk factor, or the deadbeat factor won’t show up.  Should I demand his bank statements, to try to determine how he spends his money?  Maybe that would direct me to pharmacy purchases so that I would know whether or not he takes regular medications.  I’m sure he wouldn’t mind providing a list of said medications so that I can Google them, and get a better idea of what ailments he has.  Or better yet, perhaps he would sign a consent to release information form.  That way I can check his medical records, which are very revealing about a person, divulging not only medical info, but personal, social, and sometimes financial information as well.

A formal criminal background check, which is the most common form used for basic information, leaves a lot to be desired.  I couldn’t count on a clean report to ensure that my prospective date would be a good catch.  Because the picture is so much bigger than that. 

In today’s world, the words “background check” do not necessarily conjure up thoughts of job applications, and most certainly not boyfriend applications.  Our attention is immediately drawn to the hot-button topic of the day/week/month: Gun Control.  The media has inundated us with the sweet faces of the beautiful children killed at Sandy Hook, and like most folks, my heart breaks every time I see them. Most all of us have a soft spot for children – especially those of us with children or grandchildren the same ages as those who were killed.  It is unfathomable – a horror so unthinkable that we can’t and won’t imagine it happening in our town, at our school.  When I think of the 20 tiny little angels in heaven, I don’t worry for them.  But as a parent and a grandparent – my heart aches and I hurt deeply for the parents and grandparents of those babies. For weeks, we have seen those sweet faces on the television, on the internet, and in the newspapers.

A short time later, we were introduced to the faces of four more children.  They, along with their parents, stood behind President Obama, as he signed papers that would put into motion plans that the government has proposed to stop gun violence.  The two major talking points in this proposal are “Background Checks” and “Banning Assault Weapons.” 

To check the effectiveness of keeping “banned” items off the street, take a look at alcohol consumption during Prohibition.  Take a look at illicit drug activity today.  I won’t even waste my time writing, or yours reading, to discuss how great the concept of “banning” something works.  It’s a simple formula:  As long as there is a demand, there will be a supply.  End of argument.

To check the effectiveness of a background check, see my paragraph above regarding Background Checks for Boyfriends.  No doubt, background checks will stop a convicted felon from purchasing a firearm from a licensed dealer.  What felon doesn’t know that?  Who honestly believes a convicted felon would walk into a gun shop, fill out the paperwork, and then be surprised when he is denied?  No.  He will buy his firearms from someone else.  Just as will a mentally deranged person, a collector of “illegal” weapons, or the drug dealer, gang member, or everyday thug on the street.  A criminal isn’t going to attempt to legally purchase a firearm, regardless of a background check, that leaves behind a paper trail connecting him to that weapon.  As with my arguments on getting a background search for my potential boyfriend, it’s about as worthless a security measure for someone wanting to purchase a gun.  I could still end up with a crappy boyfriend, and the gun store could end up selling a gun to someone with evil intent.

The argument has been raised “if you’re not a criminal, or have no bad intent, then you shouldn’t object to background checks”.  And this is true, to some extent.  But here’s something to consider.  Before writing this, I made a phone call to a licensed gun store, to verify what I’m about to say.  Any store in the state of Georgia licensed to sell firearms, is required by the government to submit a background check on the person attempting to purchase it.  The checks are performed by the FBI.  I asked him what items would disqualify a person.  A felony conviction, a pending warrant, and “a few other things” that might raise a red flag.  He couldn’t (or maybe wouldn’t??) tell me a specific list of things.

Okay. Here’s the major point of my post.  (Thanks for hanging in here this long)  I truly don’t see, at least in my lifetime, the feds knocking on our doors, demanding that we surrender the firearms we have in our homes.  I believe (hope!) such an action would incite a revolution.  But consider this:  If the government wants to control the sale of guns, what better place to start than with the background check itself?  “The FBI” is the one who sets the criteria for Pass/Fail.  What if the criteria changes?  Currently the big no-no is a convicted felony charge.  What if in a few years, they start adding items to that list?  Examples:

1.     Do you suffer migraine headaches?

a.     FAIL.  You could go on a shooting rampage while in the clutches of a migraine.

2.     Do you currently, or have you ever taken antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication?

a.     FAIL.  Red flag for possible mental illness.

3.     Has anyone in your family ever died by anything other than medical illness?

a.     FAIL.  You probably want a firearm for retaliation purposes.

4.     Have you ever been involved in a divorce?

a.     FAIL.  You may have anger issues.

See where I’m going with this?  Call me paranoid, but there are plenty of ways for the government to “control” our guns that don’t include prying them out of our cold, dead hands.  At one time I was not opposed to background checks.  But now I’m even beginning to question my feelings on that – for the reasons stated above – 1) Folks who won’t pass it will just buy their guns on the street anyway, 2) The FBI can manipulate the criteria to the point that it will be virtually impossible for anyone, convicted felon or not, to pass the test.  Or, they can slap taxes on ammunition to the point that either the general public can’t afford to buy them, or the companies who make it can’t stay in business.  Yes, there are many ways the government can implement “gun control”.  And last, but not least, do I really want Big Brother knowing what kind, and how many weapons I choose to keep in my home?  No, I don’t think so.  When I’m ready to purchase another firearm, I think I’ll just buy from an individual.  It’s nobody’s business but mine.  (Or the person who might make the unwise decision to put me in a position to defend myself or my family….)

Background checks, as used for purchasing a gun, simply state the obvious.  It’s information that’s public record anyway.  Granted, I could hire a Private Investigator to do a comprehensive background check for a potential boyfriend, but that could be quite costly.  The information available could be invaluable, no doubt, though still not a 100% guarantee that I’d be getting a boyfriend of the character and quality that I want.  Likewise, unless and until such comprehensive background check is done to allow the purchase of firearms, it’s pretty much a worthless concept.  But, same as the boyfriend, even then, it wouldn’t be a fail-safe system. 

But, alas… “Check” away, Big Brother.  Seems to me like you’re already doing that, and it’s not making any difference.   Whatever.  I’m sure you’ll continue relentlessly in your quest to make it more difficult for law-abiding citizens to keep and bear arms. 

Do I like seeing Sandy Hook, Columbine, Aurora stories on the news?  Don’t be absurd.  Of course not. I'm as horrified as the liberal person who thinks all guns should be banned for personal use. Neither do I like the murders or random drive-by shootings in everyday towns across America on pretty much a daily basis.  There is no argument that we all want the same thing:  For the violence to stop.  But the broader agenda here is that these violent crimes give government a “reason”, or the self-granted “authority” to regulate the sale and ownership of guns.  How many times does it have to be said?  It’s not the guns who kill the people.  It is (evil and/or crazy) people who kill people. Evil and/or crazy cannot be harnessed or controlled.  Even Big Brother can’t do that. Yes, we want the violence to stop.  But firearm stores and gun shows are not the place to make it happen.

I’m normally not a conspiracy theorist.  But even I am beginning to wonder if there isn’t some underlying selfish, evil intent on the part of the government to raise awareness of gun violence, just to promote their agenda?  That said, the gun-rights supporters need to scream just as loudly, and demand that media coverage include stories of how firearms (in the hands of private citizens) were used to thwart crimes and/or stop evil in its tracks.  I.e.  “The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun.”

Thomas Jefferson (attributed) said it best: “When governments fear the people, there is liberty.  When the people fear the government, there is tyranny.  The strongest reason for the people to retain the right to keep and bear arms is, as a last resort, to protect themselves against tyranny in government.” 

Hopefully, that last resort will never again come to pass.  However, the fact that we are a free nation is the result of that very thing happening.  Had our founding fathers and ancestors not been armed, we’d still be paying homage to a king across the pond, and subject to a monarchy. 

I submit that a better way to curb gun violence, or violence of any sort, would be to ensure our cities and towns were better able to afford adequate police protection and equipment, more justice in the criminal court system, and more resources to better educate our children.  Better educated children growing up in a safer environment will net more responsible adults.  Instead of using the faces of 20 little angels to promote your gun agenda, Uncle Sam, why not use those faces as motivating factors to invest time and resources so parents and teachers can help them be better children? 

Meanwhile, instead of using FBI manpower to perform background checks, why not let them  solve crimes, and investigate things like CIA leaks, or apathetic/worthless cabinet members, or finding the truth (instead of hiding it) about matters of national security?  (Wait - silly me.  Like THAT would ever happen!)

Background checks can indeed matter – if you’re applying for a job, or maybe a lease agreement…. But not to a bad person who wants a gun.  

A Few Of My Favorite (Holiday) Things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes, snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes

Silver white winters that turn into spring, these are a few of my favorite things!

Never really quite understood how come The Sound of Music got to be considered a classic Christmas movie, yet without fail, ABC airs it every year during the holiday season.  And every year, I watch it – even if only bits and pieces. Never mind I have my own personal copy on DVD.  I still have to watch it whenever it comes on television.  I was almost 30 years old the first time I ever watched it, and was hooked!  Just like Gone With The Wind, Whitney and I can pretty much quote the movie line-for-line as we watch it.  We know every word to every song, and are such nerds that we used to play the soundtrack going down the road, singing at the top of our lungs. Fun times, fun memories.

The holidays always make for some mighty fine memories, and 2012 was no exception.  Seeing as how I’m getting so forgetful, I thought I’d blog about a few of them, lest the memories start to fade. In no particular order, My Favorite Holiday Things of 2012 are as follows:

 Thanksgiving Feasts at school:  Leyland and Corey’s classes each had a Thanksgiving feast, and I was able to attend both.  The children were dressed up like pilgrims and Indians.  Absolutely adorable! They love it so much when Greemaw comes to the school – (and she loves it too!)

Thanksgiving:  Delicious meal shared with my osmosis family, DJ & David on Thursday, then a wonderful family gathering of the Dunahoo clan on Sunday.  So much to be thankful for!

 Black Friday:  Each year the retailers seem to get an earlier start on the season.  Before we’re finished with Halloween, the Christmas decorations start going up.  For Whitney and I, the season starts in earnest on Black Friday.  Several years ago we started the tradition of getting up very early – oh wait – we actually never even go to bed.  The first time we did it, we were in Commerce at midnight, and after that turned out to be an overcrowded bust, we decided to stick closer to home.  We’ve scored some pretty sweet deals over the years, but for me, it is more about the mother/daughter time more so than the shopping. Whitney and I share the same warped sense of humor, and laugh at the seemingly most inappropriate things.  We have a stinkin’ blast when we’re together.  Add sleep deprivation into the mix and we’re a riot!  BF 2012 was no exception.  Had it not been for that mother/daughter thing, I probably would have skipped it altogether, but wanted to hold on to the tradition. I’m so glad I did.  I was aggravated that the stores opened earlier on Thursday evening, though, and swore I wasn’t going to go until midnight.   But, alas, we were among the throngs of crazy people out at 8 pm, and thankfully, we lived to tell about it.  Along about 3:00 a.m., we were feeling a little tired and hungry, so decided to take some down time at the IHOP on Baxter in Athens.  Big Mistake.  Lipstick on my coffee mug should have been my first clue.  Not. My. Lipstick.  Ewww.   Nuff said about that – but we were so tired that everything was funny.  And it’s a good thing, because it was pretty bad.

Worship.  Christmas is all about Jesus, and I love all the nativity things, the Christmas carols, the Peace On Earth Good Will To Men that goes along with it.  It’s my favorite season for worship.

 Holiday parties at school:  Again, the kids love it when Greemaw can join in the fun at school.  All three kids had parties, and all the parties started at the same time.  Whitney was able to sneak away from work early and join us, so when it was time for one of us to go to Leyland’s room, Corey wanted Greemaw to stay with him.  He told Mommy she could go to Leyland’s room – he wanted Greemaw.  Oh yeah.  That was some serious sweetness.  After that, we took the kids up to the Bass Pro Shop to see Santa and the Winter Wonderland.  Santa was booked up until 7:30 that night, but luckily we ran into him on his way to dinner break, and he did squat down long enough to let us snap a quick photo.  I think the fact that Leyland was on crutches elicited a little bit of sympathy from Santa and he didn’t mind delaying his dinner for an extra couple of minutes.  I was more disappointed than they, because I wanted the photo op.  They had already sat in Santa’s lap at the mall and recited their wish list, so they were good with a quick snapshot.  Though instead of Santa's magical winter wonderland backdrop, our snapshot had tackle boxes and ATVs in the background.  

Prayers on the way to school:  This isn’t a holiday thing – it will be continued, but it got started sometime right before Thanksgiving.  While I’m driving to school, I pray out loud over the children.  I always pray for them, but decided it might have an impact on them if they heard me pray.  I especially wanted Corey to hear that I was calling in the Big Guns (Jesus!) to help with his participation and cooperation in the classroom.  Every morning I pray for specific things for each child, and pray for their mom and dad to be safe driving to work and to have a good day. At the end, everyone says “Amen”.  One morning, before Corey said amen, he said… “Geemaw, you forgot to pway for Mommy and Daddy!”  So at least I knew he was paying attention!  And thought it was so sweet of him.  So we did a p.s. to the “pwayah”.  Another morning, he said “I think we need to pway for Gigi and Pop.”  So every morning, we pray for the children, for their mom and dad, and Gigi and Pop.  It has evolved into a sweet tradition, and if I haven’t started the prayer by the time we cross the RR tracks at my mom’s house, Corey will remind me “Geemaw, we need to say da pwayah.”  That little man!  He melts my heart!!

Social media:  I really enjoyed the Christmas photos, greetings, and all the holiday-related posts on Facebook.  It’s a lot of fun to see and enjoy the traditions of others.

 Pinterest:  Boy, oh boy – did I ever enjoy all the crafty ideas and recipes I found on Pinterest during the season!!  Maybe sometime before next year I’ll have a chance to go back and look at all the things I “pinned”, and can maybe implement a few ideas next year.  I used several ideas this year, but not nearly as many as I wanted to.  Oh, be sure to ask Whitney about her bracelet she made from a fork, a la Pinterest.  I’m still disappointed that I didn’t get one for Christmas!

Social Gatherings:  Years past found me socializing every weekend throughout December.  Not so much these days – but I did truly enjoy a few social events with friends this year. 

Sights and sounds of Christmas:  Yes!! I always love this part!  I was a bit slow getting my house decorated, and didn’t do as much as I have done in years past.  I bought a new tree, but before I could fluff the first branch on the very bottom section, my kitty nutted up on me and attacked the tree.  This was his first Christmas, and he was a little overwhelmed.  I ended up with a tabletop tree, and it served its purpose well.  Some new shelves provided the perfect place to display my collection of Santas and snowmen.  I have yet to get those guys packed up and put away.  They’re up high and out of the way, so I’m not in any great hurry to get them down just yet.  I love opening up the boxes of my things each year.  I guess forgetfulness has its advantages – it’s so much fun unwrapping the tissue paper and finding an ornament, or trinket that I had forgotten about. 

Seeing the children so excited:  What parent, grandparent (or most any adult) can resist the sparkling eyes of excited children – trying so hard to be good, because everyone knows Santa and the elves are watching!!  We didn’t have the “real” Elf on the Shelf, but I picked up three generic little elves from Hobby Lobby so that there was one at my house, Gigi and Pop’s house, and at their house.   Boy, did we get a lot of mileage outta those things!!!  I’m going to speak with Santa a little earlier this year, and ask him to arrange to send us a Real One for 2013.  Ours were kind of boring – they didn’t do anything fun or get into any mischief.   Christmas lives in our hearts, hopefully every day, but when there are children around, the magic seems to be contagious, and it’s almost like reliving my own childhood, with the anticipation and wigglesome excitement.  So much fun!!

Christmas Eve Tradition:  Candlelight communion service at church, dinner at mom and dad’s with immediate family.  We have an annual tradition that started – well, I don’t know when it started.  I can’t ever remember a time when we didn’t eat chicken stew at mom and dad’s, with my grandparents and great-grandma (as long as they were with us), my Aunt Joyce, and Uncle Gene.  Then Michael and I married so two more people were added.  Then we had children, and now our children have children – so it’s one big, happy family gathering complete with the chaos of exchanging gifts, camera flashes, and the sounds of happy people.  Mary read the Christmas story from the Bible, and did a fine job of it, then we sang Happy Birthday to Jesus.  Lucy was so cute and joined in the singing too! This year DJ and David joined in the fray, and it was wonderful having the people I love the most celebrating together at Christmas.  We missed having Linda with us this year, as she was feeling poorly.  

Surprises:  I also had a delightful surprise on Christmas Eve, as my dear friend Connie was in town.  We met for a quick cup of coffee before the church service, and did a little catching up.  The visit ended far too soon, but it was such an unexpected pleasure to get to spend any time at all with her!  I’m very thankful for the visit, short though it was.

 Helping Santa.  ‘Nuff said about that one… just in case… 

 Christmas morning:  In years past, Christmas morning was a mad dash. Michael and I would be up before the crack of dawn.  With Whitney – not so much.  She’s always been the “Five more minutes” kind of girl, and her dad and I would have to wake her sleepy-headed little self up every time.  Her grandparents would sometimes get there before she ever even got out of bed.  (And she is still a sleepy head!)  With Mary, Leyland and Corey, I got to witness Santa-Chaos a couple of times when we all lived at The 409.  Last year and this year, though, I missed out on the initial explosion of excitement, but visited a little later in the morning.  It was such a sweet time.  After sharing some time with the grandbabies, I had breakfast at DJ and David’s house.  One of my most very favorite things of all this Christmas (or EVER) was the stocking thing.  Never have I ever had a stocking.  Well that’s not true.  I have hung stockings by the chimney with care – but we never “did” stockings before.  I’ve always thought it was a neat tradition.  I couldn’t believe it - DJ fixed a stocking for me!!!  And stuffed it with all manner of really cool things.  Not just token things, either– she fixed me up just like everyone else in the family.  It was real.  It was mine, from her and David (and Tangela contributed a unique little something too…. Hahaha)  I cried.  That seriously ranks right up at the top of the list of the sweetest, kindest, most thoughtful things anybody has ever done for me.  I just love that girl so much!!

Christmas Day Tradition:  Veggie soup and leftover chicken stew at mom’s.  Years ago, all the aunts, uncles, and cousins would gather at Mama Nay and Daddy Bill’s house – and you’d better be there by noon, because Daddy Bill was ready to eat and open presents!  Or, rather, ready to eat, and watch the children open presents.  I never understood why he would sit in the corner, letting his gifts pile up around him, just smiling and watching, and not open his presents.  I understand it now.  It’s so much fun to watch the little ones.  But, once the grandparents got older and were unable to have everyone in their home, we started going to mom’s – and the crowd somehow just gets slimmer each year.  With all us cousins grown and with kids and grandkids, multiple places to visit in a short period of time, the Christmas Day gathering has dwindled down to pretty much just the aunts and uncles, myself, and my cousins Sharon and Mary Kay.  Sharon had back surgery just before Christmas and wasn’t able to make it, and I only saw Mary Kay in passing – she was leaving as I was arriving.  It was a fairly laid-back day, and always wonderful to be with family.  My most UNFAVORITE thing was seeing my Aunt Carolyn seeming to slip further into dementia – and there were some truly heartbreaking moments in that regard. 

Baby Girl!  We welcomed Baby Girl Huth (Haley Ann) on Wednesday the 26th.  Such a sweet, beautiful, snugglesome bundle of joy.  Can’t wait to help DJ spoil this little cutie!!!

 Road Trip:  The Friday after Christmas, my friend Karey and I took a short trip over to the beach house.  Departure was at the House of Blues, so we just up and went.  She makes me laugh so much.  The endorphins were much needed and appreciated.   We’ve traveled together before, but usually with 250+ teenagers (band trips).  This was a Grown Up Girls’ Trip, and we talked and laughed so much that my throat seriously started to hurt. I don’t see anyone during the day, and there’s nobody to talk to but The Cat, so my vocal cords weren’t accustomed to so much abuse!  It was a good trip in many ways, not the least of which was enabling me to face a few anticipated demons from the past – but thankfully, the demons I expected to encounter (at the place I honeymooned with the ex) had already been conquered, and the trip was without incident in that regard.  Departure at House of Blues was fabulous!  The ocean was cold!  Can’t wait to do it again!

New Year’s Eve was very quiet, just Cooper and me at The 409.  Now another year has dawned, and we set about tidying up all the trappings of Christmas, declaring to get fit, stick to our budget, manage our time better, spend more time with family, and not sweat the small stuff. 

And now it's time for getting things back in order, and starting the new year with a clean, tidy house.  Yeah.  I’m still working on that one.