~~Those of you who know me will understand what a big thing this is. Seems like former relationships ended with such disastrous results, that I found it best to fly solo and just concentrate on my little family and devote myself to my grandbabies. Nothing wrong with that, it has been a very fulfilling existence. I pretty much gave up all hope of ever trusting my instincts, since my judgement of character seemed to be very seriously lacking. Perhaps I was one of those with a capitol L branded across my forehead, or the proverbial "kick me" sign taped to my back where relationships were concerned. I found solace, comfort, acceptance, and satisfaction within my small circle of close friends and my precious family.
~~Occasionally, though, I wonder about the future. One of these days my daughter and her family won't need me, and will move on to their own place. The grandkids will prefer hanging out with their friends over spending time with Greemaw. One day I won't have the luxury of spending time with my parents, or my aging aunts and uncles. One day my house will be empty and quiet. WIl I regret not pursuing (or allowing myself to be pursued for) a relationship? Will I spend my golden years wrapped in a cloak of loneliness and regret? Even so, the risks involved in tearing down walls and opening my heart seemed greater than I was willing to accept. I will worry about those pesky little feelings when the time comes, but for now, I'll just stay in my safe little haven where my close friends and family know and love me, and protect me with a fierceness that always amazes me.
~~Then ,wouldn't you know it, along comes a person who blows all of that out of the water, and I find myself taking a step back, and weighing the risks of allowing myself to be come close to another person. A Man Person. Wow.
~~Now, I'm 52 years old, and have a little bit of experience with the male species, not all of which was bad, but certainly enough to keep me grounded. My mom says "I don't want you to be hurt." To which I respond "Mom, I don't want to be hurt either. There are no guarantees. Maybe I will be, maybe I won't be. There are always risks with matters of the heart. But right now, I'm enjoying the feeling." And it's true.
~~The cool thing, is how this all came about. My brother's band was playing a gig at Wild Bill's in Norcross. A friend of his, a sweet German girl named Dietke, came to the show to take some photos. Of course, the devoted big-sister-Departure-fan wanted to see the photos. In order to view her album, I had to befriend her on FB. We shared some correspondence, and she read my blog entries about my struggles with weight loss surgery, etc. One day she said she wanted to hook me up with a delightful gal who had lost a tremendous amount of weight. Melissa and I became friends, shared a little personal information and weight-loss encouragement. During one note, she made mention of the fact that she was considering moving back to Statham. What? Statham? Who is this girl, and who does she know? Statham is just a little tiny town, and how odd that two degrees from my baby brother, via a girl from Germany, is someone who used to live here? After a little interrogation, I discovered that not only did she used to live here in my little town, but some of her relatives are still here. And one name she happened to mention was her uncle, Steve. [Insert side note: Her Uncle Steve was a guy on whom Bobbie Jean, Debbie Jo, and I used to carry a huge crush. He hung out with BJs uncle, which meant we had easy access to him, and we would follow them about like puppy dogs or annoying kid sisters, gaze at him longingly, and blush and giggle if ever he looked our way. Oh yes, I remembered Uncle Steve!] We talked a little bit about him, then moved on to other subjects. I was intrigued, though, and excited about the possibility of reconnecting. Then a few days later, as luck would have it, he posted something on her wall …
~~I couldn’t believe it! There he was! There was his name, and his photo! A face from my past. Memories of how I adored him came flooding back like a fresh breeze on my face. Dare I send him a friend request? Of course I would. My fingers were already working the keyboard before I could even give it consideration. My message was something along the lines of “You probably don’t remember me, but…” Then the waiting began. It wasn’t long before he accepted my request with these words: (copied from the actual FB message... i'm such a nostalgic nerd...)
Cathy , how could i ever forget you , i,m so glad to hear from you, loved looking at your pic. those were the days . Please stay in touch
************And the rest, as they say, is history. Thanks to those of you who are offering support and encouragement. It means a lot to me that my friends are excited for me, and care about my happiness. Keep me in your prayers: even though my head (and my heart) are in the clouds right now, that my feet will remain firmly planted on the ground.