Welcome to my blog. Thanks for coming! One day I hope my little piece of internet real estate will be home to lots of family photos, pictures of my scrapbook and card art, with some random thoughts and memories posted on a somewhat regular basis. Mostly my world is very predictable, but occasionally some excitement will find me, so visit often. Who knows what useful (or useless) information you may find here.


Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Energy Crisis- Solved!

To my friends of the male persuasion, and to my younger female friends, this post will mean absolutely nothing. However, to those women nearer my age, you will identify fully. I watch the billboard at my gas station every morning. Here a penny, there a penny, slowly and surely the price of gasoline creeps ever upward. While I am trying to do my part to conserve energy (combining errands, staying in at lunch, etc.), I don't see that it is making that much of a difference in my gasoline budget. Government officials "say" they are concerned about it, and I expect it to be a hot political issue in this election. I don't know beans about how to convert this or that matter into usable energy, but from what I have read, corn is not the answer. Maybe years and years ago if we had begun to prepare for this, it might have been a feasible source of energy. Hybrid cars can help, I'm sure, but they are still gasoline dependent. I've seen a lot of scooters around town, and for some, that is a viable alternative. There's talk of using livestock dung to manufacture gasoline. PeeeYoooo! Well, I say all that is fine and good, (perhaps too little, too late),but I intend to someday let the government in on a little secret. I have the solution. In every city and town, every valley and vale, there should be a self-contained energy-uploading facility. These facilities should be totally accessible 24/7. They should have every comfort of home- plenty of chocolate and caffeine, and lots and lots of magazines to enjoy, wide-screen, flat-panel, high-density television. And internet shopping. Not to be sexist or exclusive, but only women will have access, and only a certain group of women. On her assigned day or night, each woman will enter the facility, observing the strictest security precautions, and proceed to go about her chores as if she were at home or at work. When the feeling begins to come over her, she will move quickly to the interface room, stand perfectly still, then press the green button to begin the upload. When the feeling passes, she will press the red button to stop the upload. (I know this is a feasible concept, because I my ownself can generate enough energy in a single episode to raise the room temperature by a modest 5°.) She will visit the interface room many times during her 24-hour shift. It won't matter if she is talking on the phone, washing the dog, doing the dishes, watching her favorite reality show, or even if she is sleeping. It doesn't matter if she is in an important meeting, or negotiating with her boss for a raise. If she can become embarrassed about something, and have a natural blush, then that's all the better. After her upload, she will then change her clothes, reapply her antiperspirant, and powder anything that needs powdering. After repeating this routine as many as 100 times in any given day, she is then free to return home to her family once she showers, changes her clothes (again), reapplies her antiperspirant, powders anything… well you get the picture. Oh- and on days of extreme heat or cold, or during high-energy usage such as the Christmas holidays, two or three women may be utilized simultaneously to compensate for the increased demand. When I teach myself how to harness my own "energy", I'll let the government in on my secret, and our energy crisis will be history. So if you see me driving down the street really slow, and then I suddenly speed up only to slow down a few minutes later, you'll know I'm in Full Test Mode. Better get out of my way.

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