Bailout Alternative

Well, here we go again. Another round of partisan attempts to solve the financial mess we’re in. I had intended to go back into the break room and catch President Bush’s speech this morning, but I figured I’d have plenty of opportunities throughout the day and evening to see it. Actually, maybe my energey would be better spent attempting to contact Mr. Bush or Senator McCain to alert them that the solution to the problem was reached a couple of weeks ago by a gentleman named T. J. Birkenmeier. Perhaps you received the same e-mail, as I’m sure it went viral. I received it several times- but it was totally worth it. It is too good to miss, so in case you didn’t see it, I’m hijacking it for my blog. These are very unsettled times for our nation's economy, and I think most Americans agree that something has to be done. The greatest challenge will be to agree what course of action will best facilitate recovery. I like the plan laid out by this guy. Of note, the e-mail outlining his strategy started circulating prior to the most recent 700 billion bailout proposal, after Freddie and Fannie, and in the midst of the AIG deal. This "plan" is based only on the 85 Billion related to AIG. Imagine what the numbers would be if applying this to the 700 Billion figure. I considered trying to crunch the numbers to see what it would be using the 700 billion figure. I gave up on that idea quickly, though, because all those zeros caused a searing pain deep within my brain, I found my eyes twitching, smoke coming from my ears and a strange drool appeared about my lips. I don’t do numbers. Anyhow, here’s the plan. (Disclaimer- for all my friends who think in absolutes, I am aware that this was created tongue-in-cheek, so please don’t e-mail or comment with all the ways that it couldn’t work. Besides- let me just enjoy the simplicity of the plan and pretend that it would work. Sounds great anyway!)

Subject: The Birk Economic Recovery Plan
I’m against the $85,000,000,000.00 bailout of AIG. Instead, I’m in favor of giving $85,000,000,000 to America in a We Deserve It Dividend. To make the math simple, let’s assume there are 200,000,000 bonafide U.S. Citizens 18+. Our population is about 301,000,000 +/- counting every man, woman and child. So 200,000,000 might be a fair stab at adults 18 and up.. So divide 200 million adults 18+ into $85 billon that equals $425,000.00. My plan is to give $425,000 to every person 18+ as a We Deserve It Dividend. Of course, it would NOT be tax free. So let’s assume a tax rate of 30%. Every individual 18+ has to pay $127,500.00 in taxes. That sends $25,500,000,000 right back to Uncle Sam. But it means that every adult 18+ has $297,500.00 in their pocket. A husband and wife has $595,000.00. What would you do with $297,500.00 to $595,000.00 in your family? Pay off your mortgage – housing crisis solved. Repay college loans – what a great boost to new grads. Put away money for college – it’ll be there. Save in a bank – create money to loan to entrepreneurs. Buy a new car – create jobs. Invest in the market – capital drives growth. Pay for your parent’s medical insurance – health care improves. Enable Deadbeat Dads to come clean – or else! Remember this is for every adult U S Citizen 18+ including the folks who lost their jobs at Lehman Brothers and every other company that is cutting back. And of course, for those serving in our Armed Forces. If we’re going to re-distribute wealth let’s really do it...instead of trickling out a puny $1000.00 ( “vote buy” ) economic incentive that is being proposed by one of our candidates for President. If we’re going to do an $85 billion bailout, let’s bail out every adult U S Citizen 18+! As for AIG – liquidate it. Sell off its parts. Let American General go back to being American General. Sell off the real estate. Let the private sector bargain hunters cut it up and clean it up. Here’s my rationale. We deserve it and AIG doesn’t. Sure it’s a crazy idea that can “never work.” But can you imagine the Coast-To-Coast Block Party! How do you spell Economic Boom? I trust my fellow adult Americans to know how to use the $85 Billion We Deserve It Dividend more than I do the geniuses at AIG or in Washington DC. And remember, The Birk plan only really costs $59.5 Billion because $25.5 Billion is returned instantly in taxes to Uncle Sam. Ahhh...I feel so much better getting that off my chest. Kindest personal regards, Birk T. J. Birkenmeier, A Creative Guy & Citizen of the Republic
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Isn't that a great idea!!! LOVE IT!!!! I'm going right now to fill out my deposit slip.