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Friday, December 5, 2008

Cotton Balls

After my rant in a previous post about the horrific radio station to which I am sentenced to listen, I thought I'd just start a little list. Well, actually I started two lists. The Most Horrible Christmas Songs On The Radio Of All Time, and Radio Christmas Songs I Actually Like. Well, guess which is the longest list??

B 98.5 Christmas Songs That Make My Ears Bleed
(These songs will be rated on the number of cotton balls needed to stop the bleeding)
~Sleigh Ride - The Carpenters OR Harry Connick Jr - 5 cotton balls
~Let It Snow - Harry Connick Jr OR Michael Buble - 5 cotton balls
~Baby It's Cold Outside Nick & Jessica - 5 cotton balls and a bottle of Pepto
~Santa Claus Is Coming To Town - Bruce Sprinsteen OR Michael Jackson - 4 cotton balls
~Simply Having A Wonderful Christmas Time - Paul McCartney - 4 cotton balls
~Silent Night- Christina Aguelera - 5 cotton balls
~Little St. Nick - Beach Boys - 4 cotton balls
~Last Christmas - Wham! - 3 cotton balls
~Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree - Jessica Simpson - 5 cotton balls

And the Absolutely Worst Rendition Ever of a Christmas Song Cotton Ball Award goes to:

~Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas - Whitney Houston- The entire bag of cotton balls, three bottles of Pepto, and a IV dose of Dilantin for the seizure-like spasticity that overtakes me.

Agree? Disagree? Have songs of your own you'd like added to the list? Just leave a comment and I'll be happy to add your submissions to the list.

At least it’s Friday! Watch for the Radio Christmas Songs I Actually Like in a future post. Right now I’m off to find more cotton balls.


  1. When I worked at Cracker Barrel, we got folksy oldies christmas music. And its only on about a 45 minute loop. It was kinda cute and whimsical for the first hour, but 7 hours into to an 8 hr shift when you are singing it regardless of your desire to STOP SINGING, its not so much fun anymore. Sadly though, I almost miss that music. At the current job I get the hum of computers and the clicks on the walkie that the cop wears. : )

  2. Please add "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time" by Paul McCartney. Makes me want to "take a running fit" as my Mom would say!


  3. Yes!!!!!! Thank you. I'm forced to endure that same rotten, ROTTEN station at work with its mind-numbing, insanity-inducing repetitiveness. And you are SO RIGHT about that atrocious Whitney Houston rendition with her vocal flights of fancy all over the scale. I hate, hate, hate it. Instead of nailing a note and holding it with style, we get this childish woo, wooooooo, wooo, oooooooo, oooo, oooo, ooooo .... ooo, ooo. In the words of Charlie Brown, "I can't stand it." Oh, and you're also right about the dreadful, sophmoric Christina Aguelera version of "Silent Night," which is bad enough to worm a dog.

    Frankly, I'm baffled as to why people in offices listen to a station that recycles the same narrow sliver of a playlist over and over and over and over again, every single day. Don't they get sick to death of it, like I do?? I think the B98.5 target market must be "the musically oblivious" ... people for whom music is just white noise in the distant background. Comment on a song that just played and they look up at you, quizzically, "Huh? Oh, yeah. The radio. Uh, what was just on?"

    Oh no, now they're playing "Feliz Navidad" again ... for the 857th time this season. Help me!